


It's Not Living (If It's Not With You)

by fictionalinfinity (orphan_account)



Series: Destiny Rewritten [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Betrayal, Character Death, Court Sorcerer Merlin (Merlin), Dad!Arthur, Dad!Merlin, Engagement, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Lots of Angst, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Period-Typical Sexism, Sad Ending, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-12-27 07:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21115166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/fictionalinfinity
Summary: Morgana is back, and this time she wants Arthur's daughter.This comes with many complications, and in the end, someone must die to set things right.





	1. It's Not Living

**Author's Note:**

> this is so angsty yikes  
I always planned for this ship to happen, so we finally see it become canon!! for like a minute  
I hope you enjoy!

All of his life, Balinor had heard about the first time he met Crown Princess Ygraine. Said princess teased him endlessly about how the first thing he’d done was kiss her. It didn’t matter that neither of them remembered the occasion (Ygraine herself had only been a few minutes old, Balinor barely a year).

When they were little, neither really thought about it much. It didn’t affect their friendship (if anything, it brought them closer), and it certainly didn’t affect how they  _ felt  _ about each other (that would come later). 

By the time Ygraine was old enough to run around with Balinor, they were inseparable. Their parents found it quite amusing when they refused to be parted. None of them thought too much of it. They were just friends, after all. 

The young princess somehow managed to continually ditch her etiquette lessons to run through the lower town with her friend. They would always be dragged back inside eventually by some tutor, sometimes even their parents if they had the time, but no matter what they’d find a way to escape again the next day. 

When Balinor’s little sister Evelyn was old enough to join the fray, the duo became a trio. Then it was two against one, both girls teasing him about the kiss. Balinor huffed, annoyed, but didn’t think much of it beyond that. 

Then came Balinor’s little brother Will. Will didn’t much care for the story the way Evelyn did, but he joined in on the teasing occasionally. It still irked Balinor, but it didn’t really matter.

As Ygraine grew older, however, she only grew more beautiful. Balinor dimly registered that was when he started blushing when he was teased about the kiss, the eye-rolls gone along with his childhood. 

Okay, so maybe he  _ liked  _ Ygraine. 

Nothing ever really came of that revelation. The world didn’t suddenly change overnight. Balinor continued learning magic from his father and preparing to take on the mantle of Dragonlord, and Ygraine continued training as the future Queen of Camelot. The only thing that really changed was the little flutter of his heart whenever Ygraine threw him a smile.

It seemed everyone but Ygraine knew. Balinor winced when his parents gave him knowing (and amused) looks. Evelyn wouldn’t let him catch a break, always making kissy faces behind Ygraine’s back when the three hung out. Will had a mischievous twinkle in his eye whenever he saw Balinor watching Ygraine. His uncle Gwaine raised an eyebrow when he passed the pair. 

It was nearing Ygraine’s eighteenth birthday when she dragged him out of the castle. 

“Don’t you have a dress fitting right about now?” Balinor asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement as the princess huffed. 

“The seamstress has fitted me enough that she should know my measurements by now. Besides, it’s getting too stifling in the castle. Why do we have to throw a stupid feast just for my birthday? I can’t stand the fanfare. Father will be furious later, but Mother will calm him down,” Ygraine shrugged before hefting up her skirts and running towards the forest. 

“Come on, Bal! Who knew you were so slow?” She shouted over her shoulder, throwing him that beautiful smile of hers. Balinor tripped over his own feet a little at the sight of it before jogging to catch up with her. 

“You have anything planned, or did you just drag me into the forest for your own amusement? I was meant to be training with Evelyn and Will, you know,” Balinor teased, and Ygraine rolled her eyes. 

“I know just as well as you do that you had no interest in training with your little siblings today. Besides, if you’re so desperate to train, show me some of your magic!”

Balinor acquiesced, for he knew she was right, and summoned a ball of light to hover over them. Ygraine gasped. 

“Father told me about this! Didn’t your dad make one of these so he could escape spiders, or something?” Balinor nodded. “Wow… it’s so beautiful!”

Together, they laid down in the grass, clasping hands, admiring the light and the clouds. Balinor lived for moments like this.

Balinor looked over at her, admiring her smile and the way it lit up her face. The magical light he’d created twinkled brightly in her eye, and her dark curls glistened beneath the sun.  _ She’s so beautiful,  _ he thought.

“Do you ever wonder what life would be like if I wasn’t the daughter of a king and you the son of a court sorcerer?” Ygraine sighed suddenly, rolling over to look at him. Balinor winced. This was a familiar conversation, and it always made him feel pity for the kind girl. 

Desperate to change the topic, Balinor looked around for something else to talk about. “Oh, Princess, your dress-!” He feigned a gasp, pointing to the dirty scuffs that now adorned it. 

Ygraine rolled her eyes. “Enough, Balinor. I… I really need to talk about this.” At the end, her voice broke, and he felt it like a stab in his chest.

“What’s going on, Princess?” Balinor asked, eyes full of remorse and voice genuine. Ygraine managed a smile at the title. Only he had ever managed to make it sound like a nickname rather than a formality. Everyone always said he’d inherited the gift from his father. 

“Mother told me that prospective suitors are going to be at my birthday feast,” Ygraine began, and he could feel a tightness in his throat. Balinor didn’t want to imagine young, good-looking, wealthy men looking at her, only seeing a crown. A prize to be won. Ygraine was worth so much more than that. 

“Go on,” Balinor encouraged, knowing she needed to talk about it, but he wished she didn’t have to. At least not with him. He was Ygraine’s friend first and foremost, however. He doubted he’d ever be anything more. 

“I know that Father always says I’m supposed to marry for love, but he doesn’t understand. At least, not really,” she shrugged, blinking hard a few times. “Father never had to doubt that he would rule Camelot one day, or that his people would follow him. It’s different for me, though. I’m a  _ woman,”  _ she spat it like it was a curse. 

“Father assumes that the people will follow me, but I know they won’t. People won’t subject themselves to a woman. Neither will an army. I will have to marry some rich noble, trained to kill since birth, someone who just wants power. No one will respect me, but they will follow a man,” Ygraine scoffed, and Balinor gave her a hand a tight, reassuring squeeze. 

“You don’t know that. The people adore you!” He tried, but she met his gaze pitifully. 

“The people adored Morgana, but no one would dare acknowledge her right to the throne,” Ygraine informed him, clenching her fist. 

Balinor’s magic reacted before he even registered what was happening. The floating light flared, and his eyes burned brightly. Shivers wracked his spine, and he choked out a gasp. 

“Oh, Bal!” Ygraine cried out, throwing her arms around him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. That was so stupid of me! I had forgotten-” she began, but Balinor cut her off with a whisper.

“I’m… I’m alright,” he said, sighing as he felt the magic retreat back into him. 

Although Balinor himself did not remember being held captive by the witch Morgana, his magic remained scarred by it. At the mere mention of her it reacted instinctively to protect him. His parents had learned about it early on and did their best to shelter him from Morgana’s memory. It hadn’t always worked. When he was little, he overheard his mother crying to his father about it, and since then he’d tried not to burden them with it. 

“Are you sure?” Ygraine asked, her voice shy and eyes shining with tears. 

“Trust me. I’m fine,” he assured with a nod, and she smiled apologetically. “Keep going with your story. I want to hear more.”

“Okay,” Ygraine said, taking a shaky breath. 

“I just worry, that’s all. I think Mother guesses, but Father doesn’t really notice. He’s too proud of me to think others would doubt me,” she laughed, but it was sad and broken sounding. “I wish they’d had a son after me, but… I guess you’re a brother enough for me,” she teased, trying to recover a semblance of their usual banter. 

“Well…” Balinor began, giving her a tired smile. “I won’t try to argue with you on the fact that the people wouldn’t follow you, although they absolutely  _ would,  _ because you’re stubborn. I will say, however, that I’m sure that somewhere out there… there must be a noble who will love you for the bright young woman you are, not the crown.” 

“Oh, Bal, you’re such a good friend,” Ygraine said, yawning as she laid her head on his shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Balinor replied, his voice stiff. “Yeah…” 

They sat like that for awhile and Ygraine eventually dozed off into blissful sleep, but Balinor was painfully awake. The wind picked up a little bit, blowing Ygraine’s frizzy brown curls across her tan face, and he carefully smoothed them down as not to wake her. 

He often wondered what it was like to be Ygraine. To have his whole life decided for him, burdened by the weight of responsibility he was born into. To be responsible for the lives of thousands of people. 

Balinor would never envy the princess. 

A branch snapped in the distance, and Balinor’s head swivelled in the direction of the noise. Another quickly followed. The steps were too heavy to be that of a deer. Using his magic, he looked toward the source of the sound, reeling back suddenly. 

_ Mercenaries.  _

“Ygraine,” he whispered, shaking her shoulder. She stirred a little, nuzzling her face deeper into his collar. “Ygraine!” He hissed, pleased when she startled awake. 

“Bal? What’s going on?” She asked sleepily and he hefted her to her feet. 

“There’s some mercenaries about a minute away from here. I’m going to need you to run. I’ll hold them back,” Balinor informed her bluntly, pointing her in the direction of Camelot. 

Ygraine whirled on him, suddenly awake. “Balinor Ambrosius! Quit playing with me this instant. It’s not funny,” she huffed, crossing her arms. 

“Ygraine, I’m not kidding,” he replied testily, gritting his teeth. The voices were getting closer. 

“This way!” A voice called from the trees, and Ygraine’s eyes widened. 

“See? Now, go!” He said, trying once again to send her to safety. She stopped him, grabbing his wrist tightly

“Not without you,” she whispered, looking into his eyes desperately. 

“Please, Princess,” Balinor replied, and finally she nodded, turning to flee. 

Just when Ygraine was out of eyesight, a man stepped through the trees. He was quickly followed by about a dozen others, swords raised and gleaming. 

“Well, well, what do we have here?” The first man asked, flashing him an ugly smile. Balinor winced as he saw the man’s scarred face pull from the action. “Where’s the royal brat run off to, eh?”

“I don’t imagine you’ll be finding out anytime soon,” Balinor warned, raising an eyebrow at the callous men. 

“Someone is offering us a lot of money to bring the little princess to her, so I think I’ll ask again,” the man nodded to someone behind Balinor and suddenly there was a knife against his throat. “Where’s the princess?”

Balinor ignored the question, careful not to move and risk the knife cutting into his bare throat. “Who do you work for?” He growled, glaring at the men. His magic waited at his fingertips. 

“The Lady Morgana, of course,” the mercenary laughed, and everything was silent for a moment before it all erupted into chaos. 

Balinor’s magic exploded outwards, a powerful golden wave knocking all of the men away. The blade against his throat ripped against the skin, blood oozing out of the wound. Balinor stumbled from the pain of it, but the men started to get up again. 

Fighting to stay awake, Balinor sent a surge of magic forwards again. The men went flying into trees, the sound of their necks snapping echoing in his head. Only the leader remained breathing. 

“The Lady Morgana is dead,” Balinor gargled out, ignoring the blood pooling in his throat. “Why claim to be working for her?”

“The Lady has returned. You’d best run and hide, little sorcerer,” the man spat. Balinor roared, and with a flash of his eyes the man was no more. 

Then it was just Balinor standing in the clearing. The edges of his vision were going dark, and the chirping of birds sounded so far away. Maybe he’d close his eyes for a moment. Yes, that was a good idea… 

  
  


“Balinor!” A voice cried desperately into the air. Balinor opened his eyes, surprised to find himself on the floor. How did he get there? How long had he been there?

“Balinor, please!” A different voice calls, and Balinor blinked long and hard. It sounded like his father. 

A man with raven dark hair broke through the clearing, followed by another man whose golden hair glistened in the sunlight. Balinor laughed, choking on the thick red blood in his throat. The pair of them looked like the sun and the moon. How amusing… 

“Oh, stars,” the moon said, kneeling at his side. Balinor wished his star was here. His dear Ygraine… “No, no, no…” the moon gasped out.

“Merlin,” the sun said, placing a hand on the moon’s shoulder. “Calm down. Right now you need to help him.”

The moon looked at the sun, taking some of it’s light to sustain itself. Then the moon looked back at him. “Balinor, you’re going to be just fine,” the moon said, pressing a trembling hand to his throat. 

He had something important to tell them. How could he have forgotten? Balinor would tell them right now. 

“Morgana wants the stars…” 

The sun and the moon looked so confused then, and Balinor laughed again before the darkness took him once again. 

-

Balinor jolted awake, hand flying to his throat. He heaved in air, surprised to find he could breathe. 

“Easy, Bal, easy…” Evie coaxed, pressing his shoulders gently down onto the cot. Balinor gulped in a few more panicked breaths, eyeing his sister warily. “Hold on just a moment for me, yeah? I’m going to get Mum and Dad.”

“O… Okay,” Balinor replied, placing a calming hand over his heart. It pounded in his ears, and his head swam with confusion. 

A minute later the door to his chambers was flung open, and his parents flew to his bedside. 

“Balinor! Are you alright?” His mum asked, pressing kisses across his face. Balinor squirmed away. 

“Mum…” Balinor groaned, and his father laughed, although the sound of it was tense. 

“You scared us, Bal. Give your mum a break,” his dad sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

“How are you feeling?” His mother asked, pulling away. “Your father managed to heal you in the clearing, but we were all so worried.”

Balinor sighed. “I’m okay. Exhausted, but okay,” he assured them, and his parents smiled. 

“You were brave to send Ygraine away like that. Don’t think we’re not mad that you risked yourself, because we definitely are, but we’re proud of you too,” his dad said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Balinor laughed but winced as the action pulled on the skin around his throat. 

Merlin winced. “Sorry… Healing’s not my forte. It scarred,” he explained, looking guilty, but Balinor just nodded. Better to scar than to be dead, he supposed. “But speaking of… how about you tell us what happened?”

Balinor sat himself up a little further in the bed, readying to give his parents the report. “We were just hanging out in the forest when I heard the men coming. I sent Ygraine away before they could get there. The mercenaries said they were after the princess and demanded to know where she was. When I asked who hired them, though…” He trailed off, unsure of himself. He still wasn’t entirely certain of what the mercenaries had meant by the little statement. 

People didn’t come back from the dead. Balinor was sure of that. 

“They said they were hired by the witch. That she was… alive. They told me to run and hide,” Balinor explained, watching as his parents’ eyes widened. 

“As in…?” Merlin asked, avoiding the use of the name that triggered such awful reactions. Balinor nodded. Maybe if the witch really was back, he’d have to find a way to get over that particular problem. 

“Yes,” Balinor confirmed. “The mention of her name set off my magic and well… the battle didn’t last long. I couldn’t control everything, though, and I got hurt in the process. That’s how you found me,” he shrugged, embarrassed. 

His mother didn’t hesitate to pull him into an embrace. “We’re just glad you’re safe. Thank you for telling us,” she whispered, and Balinor returned the hug tightly. Over Freya’s shoulder, his dad flashed him a grin. 

“We’ll leave you to rest. If any of what those men said is true, we should go inform the council,” his dad said, moving to stand, and his mum followed. “Although I should say, Ygraine was quite worried for you,” he added on with a wink. Balinor’s resounding groan could be heard down the hall. 

With his parents gone, Balinor thought he could go back to sleep, but it seemed his door was a revolving one. Evelyn, Will, and Ygraine all bustled in, crowding his chambers. 

“Bal, how are you feeling?” Will asked, sporting a grin, but Balinor knew him well enough to know he was hiding his anxiety beneath it. 

“Much better,” Balinor replied, sending his little brother a smile. The fourteen year old was visibly relieved, and for that he was glad. Evie laughed. 

“Glad I don’t have to nurse you back to health, then. I should’ve figured you two were up to something when you didn’t show up to dad’s training lesson,” she teased, and Balinor blushed. Ygraine looked like she wanted the floor to swallow her whole.

“It’s good to see you looking better, though. When Dad first brought you back you were as pale as death,” Evie continued, and behind her Ygraine’s expression looked even more guilt ridden. Evelyn didn’t notice. “Come on, Will. We’ll leave you both to it,” Evie ordered their brother before turning and exiting the room. 

With the pair of them gone, Balinor turned to Ygraine. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, concerned. 

Ygraine glanced up quickly, trying to cover the fact she’d been staring at the floor glumly just a moment ago. “I should be asking you that, silly,” she laughed, but it sounded very forced. 

“Like I said before, I’m fine. Now why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?” Balinor raised an eyebrow at her. That was all it took before the dam broke on her emotions.

She stared at her hands, trembling. 

“I left you for dead.”

The whisper hit him like the force of a sword, and suddenly he knew exactly what was going on. Scooting over, he patted the spot next to him on the bed. Ygraine only hesitated for a moment before jumping up next to him and crying into his shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry,” she wept, and the sound of it was so quiet and heartbreaking. “What kind of a princess am I, leaving my subjects to die for me? What kind of  _ friend  _ am I?” Ygraine questioned.

Balinor stroked her hair down, hoping to calm her. “You’ve nothing to apologize for,” he whispered in return. “It’s my honour to protect you. I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” she shot back stubbornly. “You’re such an idiot,” Ygraine cried, trying to wipe up her tears. 

“Well, you’re a clotpole!” Balinor retorted, and the princess laughed so hard she forgot why she had been crying, even if just for a moment. 

-

A week later and Ygraine’s eighteenth birthday was upon them. 

Neither Ygraine nor Balinor made any excursions into the wilderness after what had happened. Arthur had made him give an extensive report on the attack, citing every miniscule detail. Extra precautions were being taken for the princess’ safety, although with all the extra guests arriving for the feast it was difficult to keep track of everything. 

Balinor hadn’t seen much of Ygraine in the time leading up to the feast. She’d been surrounded by courtiers, servants, and seamstresses. Gwen constantly fluttered by her side, fearful for her daughter’s safety. Balinor was only allowed little moments with her, like when their eyes met as they passed the other in the hallway. 

Balinor was preparing for the royal feast in his family’s chambers. Nothing brought them together like complaining about courtly attire.

Merlin and Freya, both peasant born and raised, hated the stiff and stuffy clothing of the noble class. They had raised all of their children to be the same. 

While Balinor didn’t mind the way the outfits fit his body, he couldn’t stand the way they separated him from the people. He’d always preferred running around the lower town as a boy, but something about his attire had scared all the little boys his age away. His grandmother had kindly supplied him with hand sewn clothes of his own. 

Evelyn, always one to prefer a tunic and breeches to a dress any day, grumbled the entire time. Balinor laughed at her displeasure, and Will teased that for once she looked like a girl. 

“Knock it off,” their mum scolded, but was quick to complain about her own dress. 

It was a never ending cycle. 

They eventually made it down to the feast and Balinor waited anxiously for the princess’ arrival. His seat was placed next to hers, at the head table where they’d sat since childhood. A wide spread of delicacies and deserts lay spread out before them. 

_ There she was.  _

Ygraine entered the room, wearing a Pendragon red gown, brown curls pulled back elegantly. She was incredibly beautiful, and he could feel his heart pounding beneath his chest. 

“You look lovely,” he whispered in her ear after the fanfare ended. She smiled shyly at him, taking her seat. 

The meal came and went, and then there was dancing. Many young men approached the princess, offering her a spin on the floor, and she graciously accepted. Balinor could hardly watch. 

Balinor was dancing with some beautiful young noble, but his heart wasn’t in it. Their conversation was dull and monotonous. Repeating the same three steps over and over again was beginning to become aggravating. He yearned for a change of pace. 

The part of the dance where partners swapped came within a matter of moments, and Balinor looked down to politely greet his new partner before a grin broke out across his face. “Ygraine!” He welcomed. 

“What do you say we get out of here, huh?” She teased before pulling him aside. Outside the hall, braziers burned but besides the pair of them, there was no one else around. 

“So desperate to get away, my lady?” He smiled, leaning against the wall. 

Ygraine rolled her eyes. “I guess you could say so. Besides, I had something to ask you.”

Balinor looked at her, eyes widening. “What is it?”

Ygraine ducked away from his gaze, biting her lip. “Everything that happened last week… It’s gotten me thinking. I know I said I had to marry some powerful noble, but my parents said I could marry for love, but I never imagined I could have both…” Balinor frowned, not understanding where she was going with the statement. 

“Last week, it hit me. Balinor, I… I can’t lose you.  _ Ever.  _ I think… I think I’m in love with you,” she gasped out, looking up to meet his eyes. 

Balinor’s heart stopped. Could it be? Was this really happening?

After one look in her shining eyes, he knew what he had to do. 

Leaning down, Balinor pressed his lips against Ygraine’s. 

She gasped against his lips before melting into the embrace, bringing her hands up to rest on his shoulders. He slid his around her waist, deepening the connection. 

When he finally pulled away, Balinor smiled down at her. 

“I think I might just be in love with you too, Princess.”

-

They were engaged within the week. 

Ygraine regalled him with tales of going to her father and asking permission to marry. Apparently Arthur had fallen out of his chair, completely flabbergasted, before shouting out a shocked demand of  _ “who?!”  _

Due to royal protocol, Balinor had not been the one to ask. Ygraine, the woman of higher blood, had to be the one to propose. 

She’d gone to his family to ask their permission as well before asking Balinor. His parents nearly burst into tears every time he entered the room, and he was completely unaware as to why. Evie and Will laughed every time he encountered them, as if they were in on some private joke he was not privy to. 

_ Apparently,  _ they had been. 

She’d called him to her chambers one night, a few days later. They’d already spoken of where they had wanted to go with the relationship, and both agreed that there was no one else for them. That there never would be. That there was no point in waiting to court one another. 

When Balinor arrived that night, Ygraine had been dressed up in a beautiful lavender gown, and her hair had been done up with white flowers in it. She was smiling brighter than he’d ever seen her. 

“I know it’s taken me so long to understand what I really felt for you,” she began, “but I know now that I could not imagine myself beside another man. You’ve been there for me my whole life... I’m asking you now to do it for the rest of yours. Balinor, will you marry me?”

“A thousand times yes, Princess!” He answered, picking her up and spinning her around. Balinor had never been so happy. 

So, with Balinor nineteen summers old and Ygraine freshly eighteen, their wedding planning began. Balinor could not help but think about how he’d been dreaming of the day since he was fifteen. It felt so unreal. 

According to royal tradition, there was to be a tournament held in their honor. Balinor would be expected to participate in the little competitions. However, he would be allowed to put his own magical twist on everything. 

All of Balinor’s ‘uncles’ had been thrilled for the couple. Gwaine was the rowdiest of them all, cheering every time he saw them, while Elyan praised his niece-by-blood for picking such a good match. Percival and Leon offered the usual congratulations and well-wishes. 

A jousting match had just finished, and the winner approached the royal box to pay his respects to Ygraine. A charming looking young man removed his helmet and offered the princess a beautiful bracelet in congratulations. 

“Why, thank you!” Ygraine said, accepting it graciously before sliding it onto her wrist. As the man departed, her gaze followed his path. 

Then it was Balinor’s turn to compete in a magical competition of his own, and when he won, he approached the box to give Ygraine a kiss. 

“I’m so happy,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. “I love you…”

“And I, you,” she replied, stealing another kiss from him before he had to go. 

History seemed set on repeating itself in Camelot, however. 

Everyone in Camelot knew the story of the King and Queen’s first attempt at getting married. How a noble knight, previously thought dead, stole the queen away in the night. None of his family ever told him or Ygraine outright, but people talked. 

Balinor had never understood what it must have felt like to be there that night. He never thought he would. 

That night as he was readying himself for bed, giddy with excitement for his wedding in the morning, Evelyn burst into his chambers. By the look on her face, he knew something was wrong. 

“Bal…” Evie began, her voice weak and her face looking heartbroken. “There’s something you should see.”

Heart filled with dread, Balinor followed his sister into the corridor and down the winding halls to he knew not where. She kept glancing back at him, eyes watering with tears. An anxious pulsing thrummed in his chest. They had arrived. 

There, in the alcove. 

Ygraine, dressed only in a nightgown, with the neckline beginning to dip of her shoulders.

In the arms of another man. 

He dimly registered it as the man with the bracelet from earlier. The knight’s hands raked through Ygraine’s hair, pulling it loose from it’s braid. Ygraine kissed him with a fervor. 

“Ygraine,” Balinor whispered, utterly betrayed. 

Evelyn, ever the impulsive one, reacted with anger. Her eyes blazed with anger and  _ magic  _ as she conjured a wall of water, throwing it at the pair. 

“Evelyn, no!” He shouted, moving to stop her, but some small part of him stopped the action. A sliver of himself whispered,  _ they deserve it.  _

Perhaps they did. 

The couple broke apart with a splutter, and the wretched bracelet slipped off of Ygraine’s wrist, falling to the floor and rolling towards him. It stopped at his feet. Balinor leaned over to pick it up, clenching it so hard his knuckles turned white. 

“I hope he makes you happy,” Balinor forced out. 

He was already turning on his feet when Ygraine called after him. 

“Wait, Bal! Please, no, you don’t understand-!”

He did not wait. He understood perfectly. 

As Balinor left the scene behind, he could hear Evie scream at the princess, and part of him was glad. 

-

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Balinor’s father asked, grasping his shoulders tightly. 

“I can’t stay here, Dad. I just… can’t.”

“I understand, more than you know. Destinies are troublesome things,” his dad sighed. “I’m so, so sorry, son…”

Merlin pulled him close, and Balinor felt himself break a little at the contact. His dad always had a way of comforting him in a way no one else could. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t cry, though. 

They were standing on the crest of a hill overlooking the citadel. Balinor had decided that he couldn’t stay in the castle any more. He was going to live with the druids and complete his training, and then go where his life took him. 

He wanted nothing to do with Ygraine. 

Balinor remembered the way the princess had stood before her parents, admitting that she’d been a willing participant in the affair. He remembered the royal couple’s disappointed gazes, and their sincere but unfulfilling apologies to him. 

He’d said goodbye to everyone he’d been close to. The knights were sad to see him go, but understanding. Evie and Will had been angry on his behalf, vowing to always be there for him. His mother had cried, and promised that there was someone better out there for him.

Balinor hoped she was right. 

With one final hug and farewell to his father, Balinor took the first step towards his journey and away from Camelot. 

He didn’t look back. 


	2. If It's Not With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally finished with this!! It took longer than I expected. I hope you enjoy.

As Merlin walked the halls of Camelot, sadness panged in his chest. He could not help the feeling of loss at the absence of his first son. Nothing about the circumstances of the situation sat right with him. 

He’d had his suspicions, of course. The whole event was entirely too similar to thirty years ago when Gwen had been caught with a shade of Lancelot. The thing was, though, no one had been able to prove any foul play. He hadn’t wanted to give his son false hope either. 

Morgana, the woman who would’ve been their first suspect, was nineteen years dead. The rumors that Balinor had brought to him were just that- rumors. There was no concrete evidence that the foul woman had returned from the dead, and even then it was highly unlikely. As far as he was aware, no one with magic would want to even create a shade of her. Arthur’s rule was fair to  _ all _ , and no one wanted for anything. 

Besides that, the young knight who Ygraine had been caught with was no one of importance. Just the fourth son of a noble from Nemeth who had come to participate in the fanfare. Arthur had questioned the young man once before dismissing him. There was no crime to pay for like there had been with Gwen. Ygraine was a woman of royal blood, and she had made her own choices. 

That didn’t mean Ygraine’s parents weren’t disappointed in the girl. Merlin had last seen her sitting alone on a windowsill, head resting against the glass, looking dejected. He felt pity for the poor girl. Merlin wished that none of this had gone the way it had. 

For reasons he couldn’t understand, Merlin suddenly felt drawn to Balinor’s chambers. He quickly completed the familiar journey and let the heavy door fall closed behind him. 

The chambers were not anything special. They were tidy, although that was not a surprise. Balinor always had a penchant for cleanliness and organization. Merlin remembered with a smile how Arthur had commented on it once. The king claimed that Balinor must have inherited the trait from his mother because if Merlin’s time as a servant was anything to go by, it did not come from him. 

The whole room reminded him so much of his son. Balinor’s favorite books sat waiting to be read on the shelves. His staff rested upright in a corner. The air smelled of herbs which he’d liked to hang to purify the scents. The small carving that Merlin’s own father had left him sat perched on his desk. 

Wait. 

There was something new on the desk as well. Sunlight reflected off of a gleaming silver bracelet. Its presence was surprising, for Balinor had never been one for jewelry. It had to be his, though. No one had been in Balinor’s rooms since he’d left (they’d always vehemently refused the service of a servant), so no one could have accidentally left something behind. Its presence was intentional.

Merlin approached the desk silently, reaching forward to grab the decorative piece of jewelry. The moment he made contact with it, however, he recoiled in alarm. 

The presence of dark magic was strong in the bracelet. Merlin’s eyes widened, suddenly reminded of a bracelet eerily similar to this. Just to be sure, he closed his eyes and gently prodded it with his mind, searching for a signature. 

Just as he suspected.  _ Morgana.  _

As he exited the room quickly, bracelet in hand, someone crashed into him. 

“Ouch,” Evelyn grumbled, rubbing at her nose as if in pain. Then she looked up. “Oh, Dad! It’s you!” She smiled brightly, and despite himself, Merlin laughed.  _ “Dad!”  _ Evie cried, pouting. 

“Sorry, sorry…” Merlin said, helping her to her feet. “What had you in such a hurry?” 

“It’s fine,” Evie rolled her eyes, throwing her long dark hair over her shoulder. “I was looking for you, actually,” she said, losing the teasing expression. 

“Oh. Everything alright then?” He asked in turn, concerned. 

“Uncle Arthur politely requests your presence. In other words, you’re a dead man if you’re not there in the next minute,” Evie told him, grinning. It was Merlin’s turn to roll his eyes then. 

“Of course. What an utter clotpole!” Merlin cried, throwing his hands up in defeat. Evelyn burst out laughing at the name, and he smiled. It’d been far too long since he’d heard his daughter’s laugh. She’d been unusually somber since her elder brother’s departure, but he was glad that she was starting to feel better. 

“I’d best go see what he wants, then. Even when I’m not his servant, he’s still just about the neediest man in the world. Accompany me?”

“Gladly,” Evie replied, smiling softly. 

The pair made their way down to the throne room at a leisurely pace, just to spite the king. He couldn’t help but wonder what Arthur needed now. It was rather fortunate he’d been summoned just when he’d discovered something important he needed to tell the king. 

Guards opened the door to the throne room, and inside Merlin could see Arthur pacing up and down. Gwen stood next to Ygraine, looking nervous. He winced when he noticed Evie throw the princess a dirty look, but there was nothing he could do about in the moment. Rather, he turned to Arthur. 

“Arthur?” Merlin asked. 

“Finally, you idiot! I sent for you ages ago,” Arthur grumbled, beckoning him over. Merlin raised an eyebrow at the abruptness. Despite the king’s prattish behavior, he did turn to Evie with a much gentler smile. “Thank you, Evelyn.”

“Nice to know I’m still the only one you reserve your rudeness for,” he jested, and Arthur rolled his eyes. 

“I see you’ve taken a liking to women’s jewelry these days,” Arthur replied sarcastically, gesturing to the bracelet that was still in his hand. With the attention being drawn to it, Merlin heard a gasp. 

“My bracelet,” Ygraine said softly, frowning. 

“So not only are you wearing women’s jewelry, you’re stealing them from my daughter’s chambers?” Arthur deadpanned and Merlin groaned. 

“It’s not like that! I found it in Balinor’s chambers. But Arthur, it’s been… tampered with. It  _ reeks  _ of dark magic,” he explained, watching as Arthur’s eyes widened. Gwen gasped. 

“What would that have been doing in Balinor’s chambers?” Arthur asked sharply, and Merlin narrowed his eyes. There was a heavy implication in the king’s words. 

  
  


“Balinor would never!” Ygraine defended angrily, taking a step towards her father. Arthur sighed. 

“I know... I shouldn’t have said that. I’m very on edge at the moment. I know Balinor would never do such a thing,” Arthur sighed, running a hand down his face. Merlin, still a little angry on his son’s behalf, shifted awkwardly on his feet. 

“The magic is  _ Morgana’s,”  _ Merlin explained, watching as they reacted to the news. Gwen’s hands flew to her mouth, and Arthur practically growled. 

“How is this possible?! Morgana is supposed to be  _ dead! _ Why enchant a bracelet?!” Arthur demanded, snatching the bangle from his hand. Merlin winced. He supposed it was time to finally tell Arthur and Gwen. He’d never brought the enchantment up after it had happened, and by the time Arthur learned of his magic, it was pointless to resurrect a long-dead problem. He wondered how they’d react. 

“I’ve seen her use this magic before… when Gwen was found with Lancelot. Morgana had enchanted a bracelet just like this to prevent her from marrying you.”

“You mean that all those years ago… none of what happened was me? That Morgana was controlling me?” Gwen asked quietly. 

“Yes,” Merlin replied solemnly. He could see Arthur clenching his jaw tightly. 

From beside him, Evie spoke. “Dad, if this is true, we’ve got to tell Balinor!” She sounded so happy at the thought. Ygraine looked like she was going to be sick. 

“Yes, we will. Of course, we will. Now, Arthur, what was it you wanted to tell me?” Merlin turned back to Arthur, curious to know what had him so uptight earlier. 

“Ah, yes,” Arthur swallowed, “It seems that an army has suddenly manifested a few miles out. It wasn’t there, and then suddenly it was, as if by magic. I wanted to see if you could magically scout it out and check to make sure the barriers you put in place were still holding. Now that I’ve learned of this bracelet, though… I have to assume Morgana’s behind this. However she managed to resurrect herself is beyond me,” Arthur scoffed. 

“How right you are, brother of mine,” a cold voice cooed, and Ygraine shrieked, grabbing on to her mother’s arm tightly. 

Merlin spun around to face the voice, one which he’d almost forgotten after so long.  _ Morgana.  _

He raised his hands against her, beginning to chant a spell when she cut him off abruptly. 

“Bring him in!” She called into the hall, and the heavy doors crashed open. There in the arms of an unfamiliar man was Will, struggling to throw his attacker off. 

“Will!” Merlin yelled to him, and his son looked up. 

“Dad?” He asked weakly, tears staining his face. 

Suddenly Evelyn cried out beside him, and Merlin jerked his head to see her be grabbed by another man. 

“Get off me!” She growled, kicking at him and trying to headbutt him, but it was no use. She recited a spell, but nothing happened. She tried again, and still nothing. “My… my magic! It’s gone!”

“Mine too!” Will cried out in return, still trying to throw his man off. His hands and ankles were bound in chains, and he sported a black eye. Merlin, angry that Morgana would dare touch his children once again, cast a spell to attack her. 

Just when he began to try another spell, Morgana chided him. “Oh, foolish Merlin. If you so much as move, I’ll make sure your pretty little children never see another day. The same goes for you, brother.”

It was then he noticed a knife at Ygraine’s throat. He had not seen her being attacked, too caught up in the sight of his children. 

“What did you do to my magic, you ugly witch?!” Evie spat and Morgana laughed. 

“Just something your father here taught me. Remember how you stole my magic from me when I last held the throne of Camelot, Merlin? I’m merely returning the favor,” Her voice sounded kind, but he knew what lay beneath. He would make sure she stayed dead for hurting his children once again. 

“How dare you!” Arthur roared, but he dared not move. “You’re going to pay for this.”

“Chain him,” Morgana ordered, and a third man approached carrying cuffs with all too familiar runes. Panicking, Merlin reached out to Freya before he was completely cut off from his magic. 

_ Freya, _ he called desperately. 

_ Yes?  _ Came her reply.  _ You sound worried. Is something wrong? _

_ Yes. I need you to get as many knights out of the citadel as you can. Get to Balinor. Morgana is returned, and she’s here.  _

_ Are you alright?  _ She asked, sounded much more worried this time. 

_ I’ll be alright, but please, just-  _

Just as abruptly as cold metal cuffs clamped down on his wrist, Merlin felt his connection with his wife sever. Immediately, he fell to his knees from the loss of it, gasping for breath. 

Morgana smiled wickedly, while all of his friends and family called his name desperately. He could barely pay attention to it all, too overwhelmed by the loss of sensation. 

“Take the little children away,” Morgana ordered, gesturing over her shoulder with her wrist. “It’s time for the adults to have words.”

Merlin was vaguely aware of his children being pulled from the room, kicking and screaming. It felt like almost like a foggy dream, and he just wanted to wake up.

“Dad!” Will screamed, reaching towards him. When he couldn’t get to him, he bit down on his captor’s hand. The man shouted in pain, before rearing his arm back and slapping Will in the face. 

“Don’t you touch him!” Evelyn roared in anger, breaking free of the hold on her. Just as she began to run towards her little brother, Morgana’s hand flew up and Evie was sent across the room, crashing into a wall and falling unconscious.

“No!” Merlin yelled, trying to move towards her but physically unable to. 

The man ended up dragging Evelyn out of the room by her hair, and Merlin could do nothing but watch. Ygraine went the quietest of them all, looking regal even as parts of her braid fell loosely and tears streamed down her face. 

Merlin fought against the restraints on his wrists, feeling the magic burn his skin. He knew that eventually, he’d be able to break free, but it would be many hours of work and toil before then. He remembered when Balinor had only been a few months old and he’d been captured by slave traders unsuspectingly. They’d gotten the magical cuffs on him too, and getting them off had drained his energy greatly. He hadn’t been able to touch his magic for days afterward. To break through the spells would cost him greatly. 

“Where are taking them?” Arthur asked stoically, his voice laced with anger. Gwen stood tall beside him, glaring at Morgana. Merlin just wished he could concentrate on something beyond his raging headache. 

“To the dungeons where they belong, of course,” Morgana replied airily, before turning to the doors. “Mordred, you can come in now,” she beckoned. 

Despite himself, Merlin stiffened at the name. He remembered the little druid boy he’d helped escape all those years ago. After Morgana’s death, Merlin hadn’t given him much thought. He’d assumed the threat had passed. 

The young man entered the room, smiling darkly. Merlin watched him, unsure of where this was all about to go. 

“You remember Mordred, don’t you? Why it’s him I have to thank for bringing me back for this special occasion!” Morgana praised, and Merlin glared. Arthur and Gwen looked puzzled by the man’s appearance. 

“Well, Mordred, do what you will with Emrys. As per our agreement, Arthur and Camelot are  _ mine.”  _

“When does it ever end, Morgana? I’ve legalized magic, your people are treated fairly! What else could you do that I can’t?” Arthur asked her. Morgana’s eyes flashed gold, and Arthur was forced to his knees. 

“You think legalizing magic was enough?! You never cared about my people! You only do what serves your own benefit. When you discovered dear old Merlin here had magic, you just wanted that power for yourself. You legalized it so you could keep his power by your side. I’ve been back for a mere matter of months, and in that short time, I could see just how hated magic users still are!

“Your proclamations of peace do not reach the outer villages. They still reek of prejudice and hatred. Those with magic must still live in fear! They may be  _ free _ but they are not living, not while people look down on them for what they are. 

“I intend to change that. No one with magic will ever fear judgment again. If others are unwilling to conform, they will perish. Magic will rule once more!”

“You’re wrong, Morgana,” Arthur frowned. “The people, magic or otherwise, will not follow you. Things are  _ good.  _ They are not perfect, but what is? They’re learning to be better!” He defended. When he finished, he spared Merlin a worried glance. Merlin just nodded, trying to reassure him that he was alright. 

“Not another word out of any of you. You’ll be taken to the dungeons now. I expect the rest of my forces will be here within a matter of moments, and then Camelot will be mine once and for all. Arthur and Ygraine will be executed at dawn. Gwen will make a rather fitting servant, don’t you think?” Morgana informed them, and Merlin felt his heart stop.

_ No.  _

She couldn’t kill Arthur and Ygraine at dawn! There was no way that Merlin would have the strength to put a stop to it. He could only hope that Freya had gotten herself and the inner circle of knights out, and found Balinor. That they would find a way to end this before it all crashed and burned. 

Arthur remained silent in his fury, glaring up at his sister. Merlin could not imagine what he was feeling, and he wished he had the strength to do something about it. If only. 

“Take them away,” Morgana gestured lazily, and as they were being dragged from the throne room, Merlin finally gave in to the pull of unconsciousness. 

-

Balinor hadn’t been gone from Camelot for very long, but he already missed it. He missed the way the kitchens smelled, the way the sunlight reflected off of the white stone of the castle, his family, and the way Ygraine smiled.

He missed Ygraine. 

Balinor could admit it. He felt like his heart had been stomped on after witnessing her with another man, but he had left. He had not fought with her on the fact that she had chosen someone else. Balinor always knew Ygraine was something of a free spirit, and he could not blame her for not wanting to be pinned down to him. 

He wondered, though. Had their whole relationship been a sham? She’d only discovered her feelings for him after he had almost died trying to save her. Maybe it had only been driven out of guilt and fear at almost losing him. When confronted with making their relationship one with a more… permanent status, she had panicked. 

Had it been Balinor’s fault? Had he pushed unwanted feelings on her and forced her to reciprocate? There could be no way of telling. All he knew was that he was hurt, and he needed time to be away and just breathe. 

That, and he forgave Ygraine. 

How could he not? Her happiness was what was most important. If that wasn’t with him, then he wanted her to have whatever it was. He couldn’t blame her for seeking it elsewhere. 

Balinor had to admit, though. He’d been angry the night that he’d discovered them. He’d been  _ furious.  _ Balinor had watched as Evelyn screamed words of betrayal and anger at the princess and been almost pleased with it. He wished he could take those feelings back. 

The last time he’d seen Ygraine was the day before he left. The night after he’d discovered her in the arms of another man. She’d come to his room crying, begging him to let her explain. Balinor had sighed. The last thing he wanted was excuses. If she wasn’t happy with him, she didn’t have to try and make him feel better about it. 

“It’s alright, really, Ygraine. You don’t have to explain,” he’d said, leaning against his door frame. Her wet and puffy eyes brightened. 

“Oh, you mean it, Bal? You forgive me?” She had asked, expression full of hope. Balinor smiled sadly. 

“There’s nothing you could do that would make me hate you…”

“Oh, Balinor! Thank you, thank you!” Ygraine had cried, throwing her arms around his neck. Balinor had winced, briefly pat her on the back, and pulled away. 

“I hope you find happiness, truly. I know you’ll make a great queen one day. I’m sorry I won’t be here to see it,” he’d told her, having already decided that he was going to depart. He meant every word of what he was saying to her, but he knew that he could not look upon her every day and think of what could have been. He needed to find his own happiness somewhere else with someone new. 

“Wh-what?” Ygraine had stammered, suddenly confused, but Balinor had shut the door before the conversation could go on any further. He simply could not bear it. 

Balinor had been rather brief with everything else after that. He’d said his goodbyes to those who mattered and then he’d left. That was that. 

When he’d left, he’d intended to go to the druids to complete some more extensive training. That was still his goal, but for now… Balinor decided it couldn’t hurt to spend some days relaxing in the forest. 

It was peaceful in the woods, in a way that Camelot just generally wasn’t. Perhaps that was what he needed most.  _ Peace.  _

All his life he had been surrounded by important people. Maybe now was his chance to break away and find out who he was meant to be. 

It had been almost two weeks when his flights of fantasy came crashing down. If there was anything that growing up in a castle surrounded by royalty and the most powerful sorcerers to ever live, it was that life was chaotic. It didn’t like to work around your own schedule. So, really, he should’ve seen it coming. 

_ Balinor!  _ His mother’s voice cried in his head. He winced, grasping at his temples. The noise had been loud, anxious, and unexpected. 

_ Mother? Is all well?  _ He replied, worried by the tone of her voice. Usually, his mother was a gentle and quiet woman. He’d never known her to raise her voice. 

_ Where are you? _ Was all his mother said. He frowned at the abruptness. That was not like her either. Something must have been wrong. 

_ Here,  _ he replied, stretching out with his mind toward hers. Balinor felt her magic connect with him for a moment before she replied hastily. 

_ Thank you! _

Before Balinor could do anything else, he suddenly registered the sound of shrill screaming above the treetops. He stumbled backward, looking up to see what was causing the blasted noise. There was a flash of red and silver, and then men were crashing through the branches. 

Balinor could do nothing but gape as they plummeted towards him, only remembering at the last second to soften the blow with his magic. For a moment, he stood there gaping like a fish while they all moaned on the forest floor. 

“Bloody hell… how much did I drink?” A familiar voice asked from the ground.

“Uncle Gwaine?” Balinor gasped, looking on with wide eyes. 

“Bal! How’d you get here?” Gwaine asked in a faux-cheerful voice, carefully climbing to his feet. He winced when he stood at his full height. Slowly, the other men followed the action, and he recognized them as being his father’s closest friends. 

“How did  _ you  _ get here?” He asked instead of replying, watching as they looked around in confusion. 

“Not quite sure…” Gwaine muttered. 

“I was on my way to see Arthur! What happened?!” Leon asked, furiously trying to brush leaves off of his cape. Elyan snickered at the attempt. 

“I have no idea,” Balinor answered, narrowing his eyes. 

_ Mum?  _ He asked mentally, hoping she had some idea of what was happening. 

_ Coming,  _ was all she said in reply. Out of nowhere, a small rain cloud appeared, hovering a few feet above the ground. The rain collected in a puddle for a few moments before his mother stepped out of. 

“Oh, Bal, it’s so good to see you,” his mother greeted, pulling him close and breathing in his scent. He hugged her back just as tightly, glad to see her. It was not the first time they had been apart, but it certainly felt like it had been longer than the other times. 

“Mum? What’s going on?” He asked as they pulled away, hoping to understand. Having men appear out of the sky, while it may seem like it might have been, was not a normal occurrence in his family’s life. 

“Your father told me to get the knights out of the citadel. From what I could gather, it seems that Morgana has somehow returned. I believe she’s stolen your father’s magic,” she explained quickly, and Balinor had to bite down both bile and his magic at hearing the witch’s name. 

“Did you have to drop us out of the sky, though?” Gwaine asked, heaving a great sigh. Balinor could tell his mother was fighting off an embarrassed smile. 

“Is that what happened? Sorry, I was in a bit of a rush.” 

“What of our families?” Percival asked. 

“They are safe, as far as I know.”

“What about Arthur and Gwen? Or Ygraine? What’s become of them?” Elyan asked desperately. 

“I do not know,” his mother replied solemnly. 

“How is she even alive? We all saw her die,” Percival pointed out the one question they were all thinking. 

“I do not know that answer either. Merlin told me as much as he could before he was cut off from his own magic,” Freya answered, shaking her head solemnly. 

“What about Evelyn and Will?” Balinor asked desperately, appalled that his mother had not gotten them out first. 

“I tried, but Morgana has spelled them. I could not get them out the same way as I did the knights. I’m going to go get them now,” she answered, looking regretful.

“Alone? I don’t think so. I’m coming with you,” he told her firmly. Her eyes narrowed at his words. 

“No, you are  _ not,  _ young man. Stay out of this. I want you safe,” she ordered, but Balinor would not agree to that. 

“You’ll need both of us to get past her and her men! I should go!” 

“My word is final, Balinor. If your father were here, he’d agree with me!” She argued in turn. 

“Fine,” he bit out, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Thank you,” his mother sighed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Don’t worry,” she told him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Balinor remained quiet, watching her go. 

The moment his mother disappeared into the water, Balinor turned back to the knights. “Are you ready?” He asked. 

“For what?” Gwaine asked. 

“To go to Camelot, of course,” Balinor replied, grinning, and slowly the other knights joined in. “Here we go!” He called, reciting a spell to transport them all inside of the castle. 

The next time Balinor opened his eyes, he found himself surrounded by the prison cells beneath Camelot. His mother turned to him, eyes wide. 

“Balinor!” She hissed quietly. Balinor shrugged. 

“No point in sending me back now!”

His mother looked like she was about to protest, but they heard sets of footsteps coming their way, so he and the other knights, along with Freya ducked into an alcove. 

Balinor’s heart leapt into his throat when he saw who was being dragged into a prison cell. His father hung limply, clearly unconscious, looking paler than he’d ever seen him. Arthur and Gwen were being dragged as well, but both were fairly awake and angry, fighting to get loose. He watched as they were tossed into individual cells, and then left there. 

As soon as the enemy soldiers were gone, they made their move to free his family. Arthur’s eyes widened as he caught sight of them, and then he began to grin. Gwen smiled warmly at them. 

“I’ll go try and find the others,” Balinor offered when his mother moved to help his father, and the knights went to the king and queen. Gwaine, however, offered to go with him.

It was another few passageways over before he found his little siblings and… Ygraine. They glanced at each other awkwardly until Gwaine moved to free the princess, and then Balinor went to help Evie and Will. 

“Bal!” Will called in excitement. Balinor pressed a finger to his lips, signaling for silence. Will’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape before he nodded in understanding. Seeing as Will was awake and Evie was not, he helped Will first, hoping he could tell him about their sister. 

“The witch threw her into a wall. She hasn’t woken up since,” Will told him, and Balinor’s heart sank with pity for his sister. Together, he and Will made their way toward Evelyn. He knelt over her and pressed a hand to her temple. Carefully, he prodded her mind with his magic and then reached out to heal her. 

It was silent for a moment before Evie rolled onto her side and began to groan, squeezing her eyes closed tightly. 

“Wha’ happen’” she slurred out, voice hoarse from screaming. Slowly, she picked herself up and rested on her elbows. 

“You were attacked. You’re all right, though. I’m going to help you,” Balinor told her reassuringly, offering her hand to stand. 

“Thanks,” Evie replied, taking the proffered hand readily and pulling herself to her feet. 

“Bal…” Will spoke up, sounding worried. “Our magic is gone. Morgana made it sound like she had done something to us, like she had just stolen it!”

Balinor winced. That would be hard to rectify. 

“Let’s get you to mum and dad. I’m sure they can help us figure something out,” Balinor replied, before offering steady arms to escort his little siblings to their parents. Both of them looked exhausted. As they walked, Ygraine and Gwaine trailed behind them, whispering to each other quietly. 

Just as they arrived at the cells where his father was being kept, he saw his mother break the cuffs on his father’s wrists. His father shot up, inhaling sharply, eyes shining bright gold. 

“Dad!” Will cried out in surprise. Everyone turned to him, eyes widening and pressing fingers to their lips, but it was too late. Pounding footsteps echoed down the halls as men ran towards them. 

Two men dressed in black armor rounded the corner. “Seize them!” one of them cried, pointing his sword in their direction. The knights made quick work of them, outnumbering the enemy soldiers two to one, while Balinor made some helpful nudges with his magic. 

When the two guards lay defeated on the floor, Evelyn leaned over them, grabbing the swords from their quickly chilling hands. 

“Catch,” she called to Will, throwing him a sword and keeping one for herself. Without their magic, they’d have to be able to defend themselves somehow. Arthur had made sure to train all of his closest friend’s children in the art of swordplay, despite the gender or whatever other talents they wanted to pursue. 

Balinor had always looked back on those lessons fondly. Eventually, the knights of the round table had children, several years younger than himself, so he’d been allowed to help train them as well. It seemed the lessons were about to be put to good use. Arthur nodded at the pair, glad to see they’d taken the weapons. 

Turning back to his father, Balinor took in his state. He looked exhausted, but his skin was slowly regaining color. His mother was smoothing his hair out and whispering calming words in his ear. 

“Father? You alright?” Balinor asked.

“Balinor? You’ve returned! I’m fine. I’m glad to see you’re alright too,” his father replied, grinning tiredly and beckoning him over. 

When he reached his father, crouching down at his level, he was pulled into a tight embrace. “I’ve got something you’ll be quite pleased to hear. I’ll save it till when we’re trying not to die,” his father laughed. 

“Okay then?” Balinor laughed awkwardly, unsure of what good news his father could possibly be referring to. As far as he knew, it was rather late for a new sibling, so it couldn’t be that… What was it?

He helped his father to his feet carefully. “Do you think you’re magic will be up to par when we face Morgana?” Balinor asked. 

Merlin paused, looking thoughtful. “Most likely. It wasn’t suppressed for long, so it should be alright. No need to worry about me,” he grinned again and ruffled his hair, looking much stronger than he had minutes ago. That was a good sign.

Off to the side, Balinor saw Ygraine reuniting with her parents. His heart panged mournfully, wishing that they could hug like nothing was wrong between them. The conversation ended quickly, and Arthur turned to Merlin, clapping a hand down on his shoulder. 

“Just like old times then?” Arthur posed, his lips quirking into a smirk. 

“I don’t think we had this many children on our tail last time, Sire,” his father quirked an eyebrow, and Arthur snorted. 

“You’re right there, my friend,” Arthur agreed. 

“And if it’s possible, I think you may have gotten fatter since then,” Merlin posed, and Arthur rolled his eyes.

“For the last time, I am  _ not  _ fat, idiot!”

“Prat!”

“As entertaining as this is, Sire, I think we’ve got a kingdom to reclaim,” Leon spoke up, and Arthur straightened, somehow managing to look regal even after the playful spat. 

“You’re right, of course. Men, are you ready?” he turned to each of them, and they nodded in turn. 

“Father, what about us?” Ygraine asked, confused that they had not been addressed. 

“You will not be joining us. I want you all safe,” Arthur explained, and Ygraine spluttered. 

“But Father!”   
  


“Ygraine, you are my only daughter and  _ heir.  _ I won’t have you in harm’s way,” Arthur scolded, but it only incensed the princess further. 

“If I’m expected to rule this kingdom one day, why shouldn’t I help protect it? They are my people too!” She argued. Arthur sighed. 

“Ygraine, please-”

“Arthur, she’s right,” Gwen spoke, cutting off the back-and-forth argument. 

“What? Gwen, she could be hurt-”

“And we’ll be there to watch out for her. They all will. What place is safer than by our side? Certainly not down here with these savages,” Gwen continued. Arthur huffed but finally nodded after another look from his wife. 

Merlin looked at his three children, and all three nodded. They would not stand down. His father looked apprehensive, but he too nodded. He’d never been one to hold them back before. 

“Dad, what of our magic?” Will spoke up. 

Their father sighed. “That kind of healing requires a dragon. I will call Aithusa, and if she is close she will come. If not, you must rely on your swordsmanship.”

Evelyn and Will nodded. Everyone gathered themselves for a few more moments before they emerged from the prison. Immediately, guards were alerted to their presence. With magic and steel combined, the men did not stand a chance. Ygraine quickly gained a sword for herself and they continued on their way.

They fought their way all the way to the throne room before Merlin blasted the door in. Morgana turned, mid-conversation, to glare at them. The other man didn’t look surprised, and his eyes narrowed in annoyance. 

“Well, well, you’ve figured your way out then? I anticipated this of course, though I am surprised you managed it so quickly,” Morgana huffed, taking a step toward them, her dark dress trailing behind her. 

Then her eyes caught his. 

“Welcome, Balinor,” she grinned wickedly. “Do you remember me?”

“I remember that my father defeated you that day, all those years ago,” he replied, raising an eyebrow. 

Morgana sneered before she schooled her expression. “I’m surprised you came all the way back here, even after the princess broke your heart.”

“Enough, Morgana,” his father warned, but Balinor felt struck. 

“How do you know that?” He asked, taking a step forward. 

“Curious, that you never sensed something amiss with the bracelet, or even the young man,” Morgana replied airily, ignoring his question. 

“What?” Balinor breathed, voice deadly quiet. Images of the bracelet that had made his insides turn flashed in his mind. 

“Oh, Mordred, won’t you show them your little trick?”

Mordred stepped forward, eyes flashing gold. Suddenly, it was no longer the young sorcerer in front of him, but the young man he’d caught Ygraine with. 

It had all been a trick. He’d rejected Ygraine for  _ nothing.  _ He’d been played.

He could feel his magic reacting to his anger, and then Morgana’s smile went wider. 

There was a tug in his gut and then burning everywhere. Crying out, Balinor fell to his knees from the agony. Wisps of gold trickled out of his lips and straight into Morgana’s hands. 

“Balinor!” Multiple voices called at once, but he could barely hear them. There were figures at his side, trying to get his attention desperately, but he couldn’t think beyond the pain. 

“Did you never wonder why your magic was so connected to me growing up? Never think to look for an answer as to what it meant?” Morgana asked, walking in circles around him. Her voice was the clearest of them all, and he grasped onto it desperately even though he despised it so. 

“That spell all those years ago never left you, Balinor. Your magic is still connected to mine just as closely as mine is connected to yours. And now, I’m going to kill all that you love using the most essential part of yourself. Oh, can you believe it? Finally, Arthur Pendragon is going to die, and you’re going to be the one to kill him!”

Balinor finally understood, and he felt all his hope plummet. He wished he had never come back to Camelot. He wished he’d gone, run as far away as possible and never seen his family again. Anything but  _ this.  _

The others were crying out in horror and anger, but he could not bear to listen. He didn’t want that to be his last memory of them.

And then Morgana began her attack. 

He could feel every ounce of his magic being corrupted by her intentions, could feel it hurting his family. 

“Release him!” Merlin cried, and as one he and Arthur both charged the witch, spell and sword together. They hit her in unison, and just as surely as they struck her, Balinor felt it wound himself. 

When Balinor was the one who cried out in pain as well, and blood began to seep from the same spot where Morgana had been hit, his family looked on in horror. 

Then it became a game of cat and mouse. They refused to hurt Morgana out of fear of hurting him in the process, so they dodged her attacks, only going on the offensive against Mordred. 

Freya and his siblings worked to fight Mordred off, the combined forces easily overpowering him. Balinor did not know how long the fight went on, but he knew that when Mordred hit the ground that Morgana’s attacks doubled in strength out of fury. Balinor felt like his soul had collapsed in on itself. 

And then suddenly it hit him. 

_ Your magic is still connected to mine just as closely as mine is connected to yours. _

_ Mine is connected to yours. _

_ Connected.  _

Just as Morgana’s wounds hurt him,  _ he  _ could hurt  _ her. _

Screaming from the effort, Balinor forced himself to stand. Morgana stopped her attack on the others for a moment, looking at him with wide eyes. 

“Balinor,  _ no,”  _ his father ordered, and the look in his eyes made Balinor realize that his father knew what he was going to do. That he had known all along what would have to happen. 

“I have to,” Balinor grit out, squeezing his eyes shut tight against the pain. 

“Merlin, what’s he doing?” Arthur demanded, and Morgana suddenly renewed her attack with vigor. Balinor knew it was now or never. 

“He’s going to sacrifice himself to stop her. Balinor, you can’t!” His father shouted, and he shook his head, gathering all his magic into something akin to a blade. 

“Bal!” His siblings cried. His mother stood frozen in horror. 

“Balinor, no! Don’t do this! Please, I-!”

He let the corrupted magic pierce his heart. Morgana’s resounding shriek of pain echoed in the hall. All at once, horrified voices cried out, and then he knew no more. 

-

Balinor waited for her with an open hand and a smile. She took a step into the lake, and suddenly the years melted off of her. She looked just as lovely as the day he’d seen her last. 

“Am… am I dead?” Ygraine breathed, letting her hand come to rest on top of his. 

“Yes,” he whispered, hoping not to startle her. She looked him up and down, tears filling her eyes. 

“It’s been so lonely without you,” she replied, so quiet he almost didn’t hear her. 

“You did so well,” he said in reply. “You need not worry now.”

“And my parents? Are they here too?”

“Of course. They’re waiting for you. Would you like to see them?” Balinor asked, and she nodded, smile full of hope.

“Yes, yes, I want to, but first I must do this,” Ygraine grinned, before she smashed her lips to his. He ran a hand through her hair, using the other to bring her close. She pulled away moments later, a little breathless. 

“I waited sixty years to do that,” she gasped out, cheeks rosy. 

“I know,” Balinor smirked. “Your parents are in Avalon. Why don’t you go ahead of me, and I’ll be along in a minute,” he offered, and she nodded. 

“Alright, I’ll see you soon. I love you,” she tagged on at the end, looking excited to be able to use the words to his face for the first time in so long. 

“I love you too,” he replied softly, watching her go. 

When Ygraine was beneath the surface of Avalon, Balinor turned to the shore where a young man emerged. The man smiled sadly and waved a little. Balinor waved his hand in return, wishing he could go closer and speak to him, yet he could not. 

The man remained a few moments longer before a young woman came beside him and grabbed his hand, pulling him away. As she lead him away, she glanced over her shoulder at him and gave him a smile of his own. 

As Balinor watched Merlin and Freya walk away, he knew it would be a long time before he saw his parents again. The gates of Avalon were closing, and only in the time of the Once and Future King would they be reopened again. With one final look at them in the distance, Balinor dove deep into the lake, ready to catch up on all the years he’d missed out on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and with that, we pull the 'five times' verse to a close. Perhaps if there's enough demand for it, I will continue it, but it feels like a good place to finish. let me know your thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what your thoughts are!! second part coming very soon.
> 
> also... I know the whole thing about Balinor’s magic reacting to Morgana’s name can seem kind of cheesy and far fetched BUT when I was a baby apparently my dad dropped me down the escalator in a Barnes and Noble and my poor mother had to jump after me. I have a crippling fear of escalators and only recently found out the reason behind it so... it’s PLAUSIBLE 😂


End file.
